It’s 3.30 am and I am wide awake. Just one more sleep till Michael Bublé. I am SO excited. But, wait, a thought occurs to me. What about all those jazzy lights that will flashing around the stage of the O2 on Tuesday night? How will that electricity be generated? By attending one of the most anticipated events of my 2010s am I harming someone else in the process? Probably yes. Is it ever possible to have fun without being washed over with some sort of guilt? Possibly not. I think back briefly to the 1980s when I was a school girl, when I had no idea about climate emergencies and no one had explained to me about privilege. My biggest concerns were GCSE’s, boys, lace gloves and a how high I could get my quiff. There were many things that were wrong about that decade, but it was also easier to have fun. Knowledge, it seems, is often a painful thing. I sigh, and look at Honeysuckle, who is tucked under the duvet, on her back, legs tucked over the top of the sheets, dreaming happily, probably about tomatoes. Or beetroot. Here, at least, is one thing we got right this year - adopting a dog was a new and challenging experience, but seeing her lose her fear and then blossom has been a very rewarding thing. That she will eat anything that isn’t a banana has meant that our food waste is practically zero. So, it’s not all bad and we’re not completely terrible people.

But still, I can’t sleep. I switch on the light, remembering that I had bought a copy of The Observer so I could read Han Bullivant’s piece on sustainable festive trees (the irony - that I drove five miles to the petrol station to buy a copy). But before I can even get to that photo of Hannah looking amazing next to her beautiful styled tree, I come across “The A to Z of Climate Anxiety”. Oh, good, now I’ll definitely drift back to sleep in no time. It’s actually a list of things you can do to make a difference without living off grid on a diet of twig tea and nettle soup, (although I’m now secretly wondering if the latter is marketable as a creative retreat for 2020. Ever other permutation seems to have been covered). Much of it we know already, but I was delighted to see the item on single use plastic. Of course we shouldn’t be using them, but did you know that an Environment Agency Report concluded that you would have to use your cotton tote 131 times to take its global warming potential below that of a plastic bag? It is, however, less likely to end up littering the ocean, but I do have to rein myself in a little when I see totes being marketed as sustainable, because,lovely as they are,because of the production methods,and the huge amounts of water required to create each bag, it’s not as simple as that. Alas, I bought many totes before becoming aware of this, but stopped buying them as soon as I did. Nevertheless, it’s another failure in my quest to be a thoughtful, sustainable human. I go downstairs to make myself a cup of tea with oat milk - just as I thought I’d done so well to give up dairy in 2019, it turns out that the Tetra Paks my oat milk comes in a hard to recycle. And so it goes on.

I start to feel quite grumpy. Goodness knows, I’ve tried really hard this year to continue making improvements, to take action and speak up, and if I’m honest, I think I deserve to enjoy myself this Christmas. But with what? And what do I give to the people I love that won’t exploit someone else, somewhere else? Even Christmas lunch will be plant based for the first time this year… So, I’ve decided to write a little blog on how I’m going to go about Christmas this year, including confessing to the “bad” things I haven’t quite been able to give up.

Beautiful seed packets from Grace Alexander Flowers

Saipua soap from Grace Alexander Flowers

I’m afraid I have to start with Christmas trees. We have a real one, purchased from a local Christmas tree farm. I should really have eschewed this in favour of a tree that I’d potted up and brought inside from last year, except we’ve moved five times in four years, and mainly I just love freshly cut Christmas trees. We could have had an artificial one, but, given that I’m drawn to all things natural, I just can’t get my head around the idea of a plastic tree. The Lifecycle Analysis of the American Christmas Tree Association showed that on a carbon basis, artificial trees are lower than real cut trees after 5 years of use (Source: Top 10 Carbon Hits This Christmas). I can’t see myself putting up an artificial tree for 5 years, and I think it’s better to admit this to myself now. Trees in the UK are generally composted by local authorities to make soil improvers, and an online search should help you locate details of collection points in your area. Next year, I’d like to think we’ll do better - the “pull a pine” scheme run by the RSPB, which I learnt about from Bex of Botanical Tales, involved people gathering to help remove Scotch pine from the heathland, which not only helps restore the land back to its former self but also provides many local families with their sustainable trees, sounds like a great place to start my investigations. But for this year, I’m going to really enjoy the tree we have.

However, I hope I have in part made up for this by buying my Christmas cards - another tradition I”m not yet quite ready to give up - from 1 Tree Cards. For every card purchased, 1 tree is planted (via their partner charity, Eden Reforestation Projects), and bee friendly flower seed tokens are also part of the deal. All cards and envelopes are 100% recycled and printed with vegan, vegetable based inks. The compostable sleeves are made of corn and yarn and are plastic free. It’s hard to feel guilty about buying from a company like this.

And whilst, on the subject of reforestation, remember to use Ecosia as your search engine when doing all your online shopping. It’s had an awful lots of publicity this year, but for those that don’t know, Ecosia plants trees whilst you search the web. It uses the profit made from searches to plant trees where they are needed most (the search ads generate income for Ecosia. . Ecosia then uses this income to plant trees. At the time of writing 77.3 million trees had been planted. It’s such a small change and it doesn’t cost you a penny to use.

Gong back to my naughty tree, however… Having stopped buying new decorations some years ago, I so enjoy pulling out all the old ones that have memories from Christmases past. This year I’ve added to them with some vintage baubles purchased at The Country Brocante Store, and some tassels / decorations from Jaipur sourced at The Winter Brocante Fair. It’s a little late in the day to be saying this, but the aforementioned fair is a great place for Christmas shopping, as you get to support so many independent businesses, and in many cases find so many reclaimed items, all under one marquee roof. The Country Brocante Store in Midhurst is still very much open in the run up to Christmas and in my view is well worth a visit. Meanwhile, all my decorations are attached with naturally dyed silk ribbon from both Nettle and Silk and The Natural Dyeworks, an indulgence for sure and each piece a decoration in its own right.

Velvet ribbons from The Natural Dyeworks

Hilda modelling Nettle and Silk velvet ribbon

All of which ties in neatly - pun intended - with my next item. Christmas wrapping. Another great joy, for me, is the sight of some beautifully wrapped presents under the tree. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy - present or wrapping - a paperback book, or a pair of socks, lovingly wrapped, is a wonderful thing. Rather like the aforementioned tote bags, there is a trend for using cotton fabrics to wrap presents in. The effect is beautiful, but you have to be really, really sure you are going to love that piece of fabric and reuse it for many, many years before its footprint is lower than that of wrapping paper. As with previous years, I’ve opted for recycled brown paper with plastic free brown tape, finished off with some more lovely ribbons. Each year, after everyone has unwrapped their presents, the ribbons are gathered up and solemnly handed over, knowing that they will either adorn more presents next year or end up on the Christmas tree. I’ve so far resisted the urge to ask friends and godchildren to return any ribbons on presents…

Stocking from Sugar and Spice Furnishing and socks from The Natural Dyeworks

Having dealt with the wrapping of the presents, and the tree they are sitting under, it’s time to think about the presents themselves. I’ve been thinking about this for some time, in fact I can pinpoint it to the moment that Grace Alexander announced that not only were her beautiful seed packets available, but that she had also got some Saipua soap in stock. Perfect presents, she said, for the discerning florist friends. I agreed with her, purchased all the soaps and lots of the seeds with the genuine intention of giving them to those loveliest of creatives with whom I have shared another year of friendship. And for now, they sit, in the Christmas cupboard, whilst I desperately think of alternative presents in the hope of bathing with Saipua soap on Christmas morning as I dream of how Grace’s sweet peas will look in the cutting garden next year.

Another early contender when it came to Christmas presents - this time for myself - is definitely a poncho from the very lovely Jules Hogan knitwear. I purchased my first at The Harvest Country Brocante, and already several neighbours in our tiny village of less than 200 people own the same one. Never has there been such high wool poncho ownership per capita in one location and I’m delighted to be part of that trend. I’m hoping I might be awarded another for Christmas - Oxford Blue this time, if you are reading this, dear husband, would go down a treat. I realise as I write this that it is a contradiction to talk about cotton tote and wrapping a not necessarily being viable as sustainable alternatives and then say I’d like knitwear for Christmas, but Jules’s knitwear is made by hand, locally, and frankly one has to draw the line somewhere. Or in the case, not so much a line as a very elegant stripe or two on the edges of each poncho.

Knitwear is definitely the highest value item on my list - as I get older, I find I want and need so much less, and mainly my list comprises of simple pleasures, so much so that I was sensible enough to buy two pairs of naturally dyed socks from The Natural Dyeworks, with a view to setting one pair aside for myself, perhaps to put on after my Saipua soap infused bath (I never said that I wasn’t selfish, only that I’m trying to reduce my footprint. And what better socks to make a reduced footprint in than these?!).

Also on my list is another hat from Gil Fox Hats. I’ve been collecting these for a year or two now, and there’s nothing cosier than a hat on one’s head. I’ve never been a fan of hats, I’ve always fallen into the category of “hats don’t suit me” and been that guest at the wedding that studiously avoids wearing them. Since discovering Gil I have more than 11 of her berets, black ones, grey ones, navy ones, pinks ones, some with bow, some with netting - who knew that I need both a cream one with netting to go with a dress and brown with netting for more general wear? Dog walking is becoming a much more glamorous affair these days. Gill makes each one to order - although I managed to snaffle a few pre made ones at the last Brocante Fair and I honestly can’t think of an easier, well priced present that is sure to delight all those people who think they don’t suit hats. I was about to take selfie of myself in one this afternoon,when I discovered that they also rather suit Hilda as well.

Perhaps I’ll even wear one to help me get into character whilst playing my 1972 edition of Cluedo, recently discovered online. I love board games, but so many are so full of, well plastic amongst other things, that I’ve avoided buying them, but I’m currently scouring both online and charity shops. It’s possible to buy up incomplete sets to make up new ones for relatively little money (but maybe a little bit of effort). I’m currently building up a collection to make a new (old) Monopoly set too.

Vessels are high up on my list: vintage ceramic pots from Goose Vintage Home to display my dried flowers in, a suiban vase from Noe Kuremoto Ceramics so I can practice some Ikebana, a beautiful one off piece from Julie Reilly or some new stock from Illyria Pottery, who make all the flower bowls for our classes here. I’ll also get my Eva Nemeth calendar out to mark up al the dates of those classes (I think there are still just a few left at the time of writing, should you want to get your hands on one).

Finally, I’ll be tidying up using my natural broom and dustpan and brush from my other Oxford favourite, Objects of Use. (I’m currently trying to work out how to wrap up the other broom I bought from them as a present, so that I can send it to Yorkshire without it looking like a Nimbus 2000). I’l be using my homemade cleaning products (perhaps not the orange peel and vinegar one which does, as so many people warned me, smell like a chip shop) and also clothes and sponges from Ecobeau who have plastic free alternatives for so many household items I’m busy working through my whole house making changes.

Which brings me to more or less my last item, garden related classes. More than one person has very kindly included me in their list of Ethical Christmas presents, and for that I am truly honoured and grateful. I even made it into lovely Fran of The Ethical Unicorn’s Christmas list (her whole article is a very good read indeed). It means I don’t even have to point you towards all the pages marked “Workshops” and “Forthcoming Events” on my site, or to let you know that I’ll be returning to Daylesford a a Guest Florist with more seasonal flower classes, as well as teaching from home at my studio. For my part, I’m hoping to further reduce my footprint here by learning more about how to make use of a little more or our garden to grow some more flowers, though with Green and Gorgeous just 1.1 miles away, it’s very tempting just to pop down the road to see the real experts. As well as the amazing cut flower growing and flower farming classes run there by Rachel and Ash, I’ve my eye on the two day “How to Redesign Your Garden” class at The Land Gardeners in January. We’ve achieved so much with the house and studio this year, but 2020 must definitely be the year of the garden. It’s unlikely any of my neighbours are reading this, but if they were, I’m sure their sigh of relief would be audible as a year of building work has taken its toll on our little patch here.

And there it is. My thoughts on a semi conscious Christmas. Or perhaps a little better than that. Before I hang up my stocking (from Sugar and Spice Furnishing) I’m going to settle down to write my goals for 2020, including how to record and measure my carbon footprint and how to properly go about offsetting it. And then Kate Arnell’s Six Weeks to Zero Waste is released on 02 January, so I’ll be looking for all the tips on what to do with any waste that Honeysuckle can’t eat. I’ll be writing about it earnestly in come the New Year. But for now, Happy Christmas and don’t be afraid to cut yourself a little slack. Or at the very least, some botanically dyed velvet ribbon…

(Editorial note: none of the product mentioned have been sponsored, gifted or anything similar. Each and everyone is something I have either purchased as a gift or am hoping to receive if my family read this in time!)

Our seasonal classes at Daylesford in 2020 are now live on the Daylesford website.

Conscious Christmas ... How to Have a Mindful, but Merry, Christmas